I had my blood work and "beta" done today. A beta is a measurement of how much HCG is in the blood, thus determining if there is a pregnancy or not.
It is 13 days past a 5 day transfer. The 5 day transfer part means that the embryos were 5 days old when they were placed in my uterus. In my case, I believe they were actually 6 days old. They were hatching blastocysts. My HCG is at 1654. This is very, very good. In fact, it is so good that we might even be thinking twins. I have figured out that I am technically 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant as of today. At this point, anything above an HCG of 76 is pregnant. Most people are at least in the hundreds, and a nice strong pregnancy would be around 700 at around the same time. See where twins come in to play? My HCG is so good, it is almost double what I am seeing from most of the websites I have been to. That said, there is a pretty wide range that could still be a single pregnancy. The fact is that anything from 76 to 1000 or 2000 or higher just means one thing right now: Pregnant. We Are Pregnant!!!!! OMG I am so excited I almost squealed in the nurses ear when she called me. To have such a strong number is just amazing to me. I was worried it would be borderline, or worse, negative- even though I knew, because I cheated and took a home test, that it wouldn't be negative. That's right. I cheated. That's why my last post warned you against cheating. The first failed transfer I got all negative tests and I did not believe them. I still hoped and prayed for a positive beta. This time, I got a bright, clear, fast positive at 7 days post IVF, and then spent the rest of the week researching chemical pregnancies and taking the other two tests from the package and watching for any fading of the line. It doesn't matter what the stick says.... I didn't believe it. I didn't want to get my hopes up. When I got the first positive, I decided not to tell the IPs for that reason. I was so afraid the beta would show that it was chemical. I would hate to get their hopes up to see them dashed again. I waited (patiently. Ha!) for the next week to pass so I could scream it to the world. And scream I have. I am pregnant with at least one strong Chinese baby. It's not my husband's. It's not mine. I'm not keeping it. I am so very excited.
0 Comments
Anyone who has ever wanted to get pregnant, through IVF or otherwise, knows the game I am talking about. So let's play... What are my symptoms?
-Headache- on and off for a week now. -Fatigue. OMG I need a nap! -Constipation -Cramping, which has happened several times a day since transfer (at least) -Thirst- only water will do -Food craving- pickles and guacamole as well as red meat. I admit, it is super early for food cravings, so it might be my subconscious leaping at the chance to eat things I love. -Food aversion- sugary drinks. water only please. -Nausea- not morning sickness. It hits me at night right before bed. Honestly, this is nice because I just get to lie down and sleep through it. -Alternating between stuffed and starving. I am starving, so I get some food. I take two bites and am full. Then I am starving again. I have sometimes turned into a bottomless pit, particularly for macaroni and cheese. -Very vivid dreams. This is a new symptom that just started two nights ago. I wake feeling like I haven't slept at all because I have lived a lifetime in my dream. -Overheating- I wake up hot and sticky even though it is cold out. -More potty breaks- but that's probably due to more water How many of these are actual pregnancy symptoms.... could be none. Every single one of these aside from the unquenchable thirst are linked directly with Progesterone. The suppository progesterone I am on is apparently very good, so those symptoms are not discernable from real symptoms. Early testing is not a good idea. Sure, you *might* get an accurate result. More likely though you will just stress yourself out wondering if the negative will change to a positive in a few days, like I did last time, or if the positive result is just a chemical pregnancy, and you are getting excited for no reason. It doesn't matter what result you get, you won't believe it. You will test again and again just waiting to see it change for better or worse. Take it from me. I know. Just wait for the blood test unless you enjoy spending money that brings absolutely no relief. I will update as soon as my IPs have been notified of the blood results. This time feels very different from last time, but again, the progesterone is also very different and there is more of it. I just keep hoping and wishing that a beautiful little Chinese baby is growing and developing in there. This week, My husband and I went back to Pennsylvania for another transfer attempt. This one was very different in many ways. First, we drove. It was an 8.5 hour drive, but my hubby didn't mind because we were driving a Dodge Charger. (He didn't want to take it back. I agree, it was NICE)
Once we got there, we met with our lovely, generous, and super sweet IPs. They had gifts for me and the girls. I felt awful because I didn't bring anything...well.. other than my uterus. We went to dinner at Seasons 22, which is a super healthy and fresh restaurant that updates its menu with the seasons. Here are some interesting tidbits we learned: The Intended Father's birthday is 2 days after mine (different years, of course) We are both Aries. The Intended Mother's birthday is 13 days before my husband's, so they are both Sagittarius which happens to be my favorite sign to be friends with. This connection was made even more humorous when I ordered the same meal as the IF and my husband ordered the same as the IM. We are easily amused. :) I also found that my IM wants to travel and even live in other countries for several years. I think I may need to go visit them and their baby once they move to Europe. :) As for the transfer, it went smoothly. I didn't have the same bladder issue as before because the nurse actually looked at my bladder on sonogram and let me empty it a bit before transfer. That part was very stressful last time. I was pretty relaxed for the transfer of two hatching blatocysts, one a grade A and one a grade B. The hatching part is very important, especially in frozen embryo transfers. Frozen embryos tend to have harder shells which are harder to break through naturally. This is why some clinics offer assisted hatching (at a fee, I understand.) These little ones began hatching on their own. Once an embryo hatches, it can begin to implant. This means that transferring an already hatching embryo will lead to a very quick implantation. The chances of success are increased, by a LOT. So I am 4 days post transfer now. I have felt a little sluggish, probably due to the two days of bed rest and the long drive home. I have felt very mild cramping, which I see as a good sign because it means stuff is still happening. I also have a slight headache today. This could be a sign of pregnancy or of me staring at a computer screen again after being away from it all week. I am trying to put all of the positive energy I can into this. I will have my blood test on the 28th. I will not be cheating this time with a home test, so we will all just have to wait. I came back to a cubicle that was wallpapers with images of Nicolas Cage, so my coworkers must have missed me horribly. Until next time. I am starting some fun new hormones tomorrow, so I thought it might not be an awful idea to discuss all of the hormones. because OMG. Since my last transfer, I have been on estrace, then nothing, then provera (progesterone), then estrace.... now tomorrow I start Progesterone -2 different kinds, one is the shot form, the other is taken in a not so nice way. I know. You're thinking, "what could be worse than giving myself a shot with a 1.5 inch needle?"
Trust me... it can be worse. Okay. It's not really that bad. The cool thing is that the pharmacist actually mixed it fresh and it has to be refrigerated. Interesting, no? Anyway, I am normally a generally happy person. Negativity just rolls right off me, and I can't hold a grudge to save my life. On top of that, if someone else is being negative, I can always compartmentalize that, and it doesn't bother me. Shift to now. I cry at the stupidest things. I am fairly certain one of my bosses thinks I have lost it. My immediate supervisor is very understanding since she is a female, and I feel like I can just show her my Hormone Card and she understands. The worst part of that is the fact that everyone says I need to not stress out. Of course, stress could affect transfer-ability. I am doing much better at that right now since I have added some meditation/visualization to my day, but last time when I had trouble with my lining, I was very much STRESSED I want this to work so badly. I know my IPs are just wonderful people who deserve to have a successful transfer and a healthy baby. I knew it would be a huge deal in my life, but I never expected it to bother me so much when I was not successful. I knew it would be hard, but I thought the hard part was being pregnant, not getting there. I believe I had to go through this experience though. I think I needed to appreciate a little bit better the struggle that some go through with getting pregnant. I needed to see that it is more than just throwing an egg in there and letting it cook for nine months. This has been quite a learning experience for me. I just hope that the next step in my learning experience is the beginning of a healthy pregnancy that starts on Tuesday. Please, if you have any sticky baby dust... throw it this way. I am so excited! My transfer has been scheduled for next Tuesday, the 15th. At my check up yesterday morning, my lining was at a solid 9. Arrangements were made later that day for my husband and I to drive out to Pennsylvania next Monday. We will hopefully be able to stop and visit a few points of interest on the way. Any suggestions? (We are going from Goshen, OH to Bryn Mawr, PA)
The intended father has asked that we stay for an extra day of rest after the transfer. I can see why. Some movement, walking or yoga perhaps, would be good for assisting implantation. Walking a very long time through a loud and busy airport then going on a flight is a little more stressful. I don't much care for airplane rides. I do like how fast they are. I think we will be driving for 8.5 hours or so there and back. I know we are planning on going to Longwood Garden because so many people have told me I should. I feel like surrounding myself with beautiful flowers can only help the process, yes? I definitely think it will work this time. Everyone, think very sticky thoughts for me. I can use all of the positive energy I can get. A lot has happened since I last wrote. Most of the happenings have been of the "hurry up and wait " variety. I am mostly okay with that for a couple of reasons.First, well.. I didn't really relish the idea of being super pregnant during the hottest months of summer. Second, I admittedly know almost nothing about the whole process, but I felt the nurses started me again way too early. I don't feel like giving gory details, but after my first failed transfer they were prepping me for a second within two months. I hadn't had time to regulate or get normal.
I was only mildly surprised when my uterine lining was not able to get thick enough for transfer. I went back once a week for three weeks in the hopes of success as well as upping my estrogen intake by quite a bit. After the third check, the clinic decided to start me over with ten days of provera, and a nice long appointment with Aunt Flo. After that, my next checkup showed that I had super high estrogen levels. I guess this can hinder the ability for a transfer to work and can lead to birth defects. I was, once more, told to wait another week before moving forward. My last appointment was last Thursday, and my levels checked out good, so I am back on track for a mid-April transfer. My lining is now at 6.6 (the goal being 7-8.) I can't help but feel like things are more 'right' this time. I think it will work. I hope. The most frustrating thing about this journey is that the doctor I have seen 3 to 4 times a month since last November A. doesn't ever remember me, and B. can't tell me anything because he is my monitoring doctor. My actual doctor is in PA and has only seen me once. That was at the first failed transfer. I feel like the doc that sees me should have some insight as to how to make this thing work. I also feel like it is a disservice to the intended parents who are paying for all of these appointments that all their fertility clinic gets out of it is a picture of my uterus and some numbers saying my hormones are on level. I don't really know how it works out. I suppose it must since they have a decent rate of success. I am just trying not to stress about it and be as healthy as I can. Wish me luck. Most everyone knows by now that the first transfer was not successful. My first instinct was to feel absolutely awful for this. I was meant to give my IPs hope, not make them hear a negative again. I am not a very religious person, but I do believe in a higher power of some sort. Call it God, Goddess, or whatever kind of being works best for you. The universe has a plan. The path I have traveled has been for a reason. I began filling out the paperwork over two years ago for a reason. I waited two years after the application to email the agency again for a reason. Tina matched me with these IPs for a reason. I refuse to believe that this reason was to just be another disappointment for them.
I know that my next transfer will have the same exact percentage for possibility of success. It is a small percentage, really... less than 40%. That is a chance my IPs were willing to take, and it is odds I am willing to bet on. There is a reason for everything. Now we are preparing for round two of IVF. I start my birth control pills again tomorrow, and await further instructions. It does look like we'll have another visit to PA in February for another IVF attempt. I have faith that this one will be successful. Good vibes are always appreciated. Tuesday was the big day. I was to take my progesterone shot at 6:45, and drink about 32 oz of water to fill my bladder. We were to show up at the clinic by 8:15 for an 8:45 transfer.
Well all I had were the little hotel cups, so I had no idea how much water I had drunk by the time I got to the clinic. I do know that I was overflowing to the point where I seriously thought I was going to burst. I saw the pictures of the embryos that were to be transferred, but I can hardly remember anything that was said in the consultation room. I was so focused on having to pee. Finally, they took me back to get changed and allowed me to empty a small amount from my bladder. It was not as much as I wanted. I changed into my gown and no slip socks, wrapped my blanket around me, then went to meet my nurse outside the room. She took my vitals and then took me to a large room with a bed that looked like it was out of a horror film. Once I was settled, a square in the wall opened up, and another nurse poked her head in to say hello. I believe she was the embryologist. She and the nurse who was with me were full of smiles and happiness. If I didn't feel like my bladder would explode, I would have been very relaxed. Then, in comes the doctor. The hilarious doctor. I am talking F-U-N-N-Y must be his middle name. He asks how I am doing and then asks if I have to go to the bathroom. I respond with a yes, of course. Then he goes "SSSSssssssss... How do you feel now?" I can't even laugh. I am just trying not to pee on him. As the nurse gets the ultrasound on my stomach and we can actually see my huge bladder next to a little line that is supposed to be the uterus, it becomes even harder to forget that I have to GO. This is especially because Dr. Glassner has decided to talk about rushing water and going swimming.... and even better, he takes a metal pan and empties a syringe filled with water into it. At this point, all I can think is that this guy wants me to pee all over, perhaps he has like a goal or keeps a scorecard. I don't know. I close my eyes and try to meditate, and then Doc says, "It's a proven fact that if a woman is laughing or happy when getting an IVF transfer done, there is a higher chance for success." I think, ahh... well.. anything for a successful transfer. Then in just a few quick moments, the two high quality embryos are sent into my uterus in what Doc calls a "beautiful transfer" I heave a sigh of relief because I can go to the bathroom now, right? Nope. Now I have to lie still and "relax" for five minutes. The nurse took my blood pressure again and laughed because my pressure definitely showed my stress level. I was then set free and directed right to the bathroom. I have never been so happy to see a toilet. Never. I was then moved to change back. Then I went back to the waiting room and met back up with my IPs and my hubby, and the birthday cake the IPs had given him. My hubby and I went straight back to the hotel and watched TV all day. I also had a large coloring book so each of my girls got a picture of barbie colored by me. Yes. I had to go potty horribly, but the whole vibe of Mainline Fertility was one of happiness, and helpfulness. Except when I was changing, I was never alone. I had the same nurse with me the whole time and she seemed to genuinely care about how I was feeling. She did laugh at all of Doc's jokes, but she was also supportive when I asked if anyone had ever actually peed on the table. (yes, by the way.) I wish I could remember her name. I was really distracted though. It might have been Renee' We flew back home the next day. I am still waiting to find out if the transfer took. I did break down and take a home test. It was negative. I think that doesn't mean anything because it is pretty early to detect a pregnancy. I will probably just wait until the blood draw on Monday rather than trying to take another. I am having some symptoms that could be pregnancy, or they could be the progesterone. So, there is no way to know. Think sticky thoughts for me. I will share the news as soon as I am able. I have been slacking, as usual. I like to blame it on my creative mind. It jumps from point A to Y to C to L and eventually it all gets done... yes... eventually.
I met my lovely IPs in person almost two weeks ago. They took us on an exploration of Philadelphia, which will be chronicled in my personal blog, since it does not really have to do with the surrogacy process. We got to see so much history, it was just incredible. Here's how it went down. First, I already told you that my uterine lining was not quite thick enough the first time. The second time, I got the go ahead and the phone call with my transfer dates. Here's the thing though, they can't give you an exact date because they really want to wait until the embryos are 5 days old and in the blastocyst stage. In the meantime, they have to check the embryos on day three to make sure they are progressing, and if they are progressing a little more rapidly than they expect, then they will have to so a day 3 transfer instead of day 5. This means that the carrier has to be in town from day 3 to day 5. This was actually kind of neat, because we got to Philly on Saturday night after a scary couple of hours where our flight got cancelled due to snow. We got to meet the IPs and they took us out to dinner at 10pm. I am not sure if I have mentioned this, but my IPs are Chinese. I had mostly spoken with the intended father (IF) on the phone, due to the IM not being as comfortable with her English. It was so lovely to have conversations with her in person (her English is just fine, by the way.) We had wonderful conversation over wonderful food. They also brought gifts for us and for each of my three girls. I, of course, did show up with Graeter's chocolates in hand because anyone who has not been to Cincinnati needs to know the glory of Graeter's. The next day was up in the air because it would be day 3 for the embryos, and I might have gotten a call early in the morning telling me to come in for the transfer. When we didn't get the call, my IPs picked us up at the hotel and took us to Liberty Square to see Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, and the Constitution Center. Our next goal, which was to get an authentic philly cheesesteak sandwich, failed because it was freezing and the authentic places were all outdoor eating. The next day, the IF had to work, so my husband and I went exploring on our own. I am going to write about the transfer in a separate post because I don't want to get too long winded. Today I had an appointment to have my blood drawn and my uterine lining checked. I will try not to be gross about this part. :P
Basically, I am on estrogen to thicken the walls of the uterus so that they will be primed and ready for the fertilized egg to implant. The fertility doctors want the lining to measure at 6.0. Mine measured today at 5.8-6.4...so basically close, but no cigar. My original 'tentative' transfer dates were between the 13th and 16th of this month. Due to this check not quite meeting expectations, it might be around the 18th. I have to go back next Wednesday for another check. If that one doesn't go well, I fear I will have to restart all of this medication and try again in January. Basically, all I'm saying is that I need this estrogen to work it's butt off and get my lining where it needs to be. I would love to start the new year off with some good news. :) And without Lupron... please. My stomach is getting sore. |