This time last week I was preparing for and dreading going to the layout and funeral of one of the greatest friends I have ever had. I try not to be over emotional. I have kept myself together very well. Every day, though, something new reminds me of Stacy and the fact that I will never be able to talk to her again. She'll never be there for me to vent to when I am stressed or feeling less than great. She'll never be there to bounce creative ideas off of and bring them to life through her camera.
It will hit me at the weirdest of moments. I'll be typing something in an excel document and just be overwhelmed with loss. I will have to go to the news story with the picture of the car that I rode in with her for my first photo shoot, when we went dress shopping for our bridesmaid dresses for her wedding, that constantly had some sort of prop or fake blood in the back seat to be moved before people could ride with her. The picture of that car folded in half at the driver's side door where the tree hit is the only thing that can convince me she's gone- That and the memory of her husband's voice on the phone when he called to tell me. I have replayed those words in my head so many times since then, and I know my pain is nothing compared to his. I can't even begin to imagine what he is going through if I am feeling like this, and I didn't wait for her to come home every day. I didn't share my whole life with her. Where do you go from there and how do you come out of it?
I hope that this group of models, artists, friends, that Stacy has accumulated over the course of her short life will be able to be there for him if he needs it. I will try my hardest. I hope we can all stay in touch without Stacy as the glue, in her honor. We have made plans to do so and I really hope it happens. I think that is the only solace to be found in the loss of such a bright soul. Stacy will always remain in my heart as someone who changed my life and gave me confidence where I had none. My friend Lexi and I plan on getting tattoos in her honor. Because of my impending surrogacy, I will have to put that on hold until next year. I have time to think of a way to truly capture her spirit in a way that she would be proud of. With the help of her husband, Cory, and Lexi, I am sure we will be able to come up with a great idea.