I find that when I need to do something, I get hit by this unseen force that tells me “not now”
It is a very much ADD response that I have which just gets in the way of real work, constantly. When you work from home, like me, it is so easy to allow housework or random things get in the way, but I am not even that useful.
No. My procrastination is like a monkey that tells me I need to read just one more Cracked article or just one more Reddit page. You know by now that I love my bloggers, so I can waltz over to hyperboleandahalf and reread everything over again just to avoid having to dig in and do something useful.
Even better, I am writing this right now when I have a wall of post it notes telling me my next story: beginning, middle, and end, all just hanging there (quite literally) waiting for me to pull them together with one narrative thread.
So I think, maybe I will just write next week’s blog. That’s not nothing, right?
Or maybe I will procrastinate by updating my resume and applying for those teaching jobs I want.
I long for the job that pays me to read. I want to read other people’s work and enjoy it. I would make an amazing editor. Typos and misused words annoy the hell out of me, so I just can’t miss them- in other people's work. I am also good at content editing. If your protagonist changes eye colors half way through the series I WILL FIND YOU
But really what I want is enough money to let my girls do their things and let me be free to do my thing, which is pure procrastination.
Here is an actual five minutes inside my mind:
Want to do some make up? You love doing make up. How about a nap? You know you can’t start writing without a full glass of water. Do you really want to start with that line? Oh well just keep typing. I think the name James would go better here. (find-replace) Oh my look at you go! 500 words! Your water is empty. Plus you haven’t checked facebook in ten minutes. The world might have ended and you’ll never know. It’s a beautiful day out today, you should open a window. Okay now sit down. Is it time to pump again? You can bring the pump in here and do that now. Would you look at that, the water. You took a drink. Better refill it to be sure. K’s home! I wonder if she’d like a snack. Go be a good mommy and have snack with her. I know she’s twelve and can get her own snack and you’ve only written 500 words today. You’re doing great! You deserve a break!! (a break today? McDonalds!!!!- I love Robin Williams. I should watch that sitcom he did, was that last year? I should IMDB that to be sure. Oh look, Cracked has an article about bad parenting advice.
As an artist, my greatest fear is one that has recently been given a name on The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. If you have any time to waste today, spend it on that website, because I assure you, you will discover that you are, in fact, normal. My particular fear is called Vemödalen, and it is the fear that everything has already been done.
I think every person has this fear at some point. There might be those who find security in the fact that they don't have to come up with new things, but as a blogger who wants people to come see my stuff, I have to know that I will be accused of copying the ideas of others. I certainly have been influenced by those who came before me.
See if you can guess who inspired me to put drawings in the middle of my little ramblings. The answer is here. It is not that I am copying her ideas. I wish I could be as cool as her. It is that she did something that made me happy, so I wanted to make people happy too.
I must admit, I have a long way to go before I am really ready for the public to see my stuff. I put it here with the knowledge that the only people who see it will be my friends and family, and they have to say nice things to me or I'll put post-it notes of that little guy all over their homes. Can you imagine?
At the very least, I give credit where it is due. If it were not for Alli Brosh and The Bloggess, I might never have started my own blog. If you have never heard of either of them, please, take a gander. You will not be sorry. I have had the opportunity to meet Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess) and I got some advice from her that said "Write for yourself and you can never go wrong." That is what I intend to do. I hope she was right.
She also said,"Don't say something in 15 words when you can say it in 3." So I think this post was too long about 75 words ago. :)